You project who you are not what you hope to be. Byron Katie says, “If you think someone else is the problem, you’re insane.” What you criticize in others is what you refuse to take a look at within yourself. I refer to this as a disowned self. It’s an aspect of you that you push outside so you can more comfortably talk about. When you see the things you don’t like about yourself in others you can easily have diarrhea at the mouth. You are not so forth coming when talking about yourself.
The same thing holds true for the things that you admire about another. When you find an admirable quality in another then you most likely admire that same quality about yourself.
This can be a big pill to swallow when you realize that all of life is a projection. However, if you able to digest such a pill then it can be absolutely enlightening. You begin to see everyone as mere reflections of yourself. You begin to notice things you may want to heal within yourself. You begin to see others differently while simultaneously seeing yourself with a new set of eyes.
Instead of thinking what you thought in the past you now have the opportunity to think differently. Now instead of saying, “she’s so mean and hateful” you can now inquire into your own mind of where you are being mean and hateful. Now instead of saying, “my cousin is the ultimate underachiever” you can now inquire into what areas of your life have where you been underachieving and how can you improve on that part of yourself. Now instead of saying, “my spouse is very unsupportive” you can now inquire into what ways you can be more supportive of your spouse or maybe you can find ways that she has been supportive.
It’s never about the other person. This is only a delusion that we buy into that helps keep us sick. The other person merely acts as a reflection. The other person amplifies the parts of ourselves that we need to pay more attention to. The other person is completely neutral in what we do or don’t do with our lives. The other person can give us back our sanity if we allow it. The other person can be our sanctuary for discovering who we really are or can be.
This understanding has been illuminating for me and I know that you can experience similar results if you practice it daily.
That’s my spin on it.
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