I’ve had so many wonderful things happen to me in the last month that it’s almost unbelievable that such wonderful information has made it’s way into my space.
First, there was Man Transformation by David DeAngelo which is a collection of 23 DVD’s that delves very deeply into what it really means to become a man. I can no longer pretend not to know how to transform my life into true manhood. I may choose not to take on the challenge but I cannot use the excuse of not knowing any longer.
Next, I watched the Mike Tyson DVD which displays a man who many perceive as a beast share his vulnerability for the entire world to see. The transparency that Mike exuded on film was absolutely captivating and real. He was emotional which is a quality that I have come to realize is in the toolkit of every real man.
Then today there was Steve Harvey. I often feel just like Steve articulates in the video below. People judge me without truly knowing who I am. I in turn judge others without knowing who they truly are. I have had to tap into a source of strength that is a lot bigger than me just to make it through the day sometimes. If it were not for this Higher Being then I truly would not still be in this body today. I’m sure I don’t realize the type of irreparable damage that I have caused by judging others without truly knowing them. Click on the link below to watch Steve’s testimony and then read as I delve into this idea of ambient intimacy.
Steve Harvey’s Testimonial
Robin Dunbar was a British anthropologist who theorized that there is a cognitive limit to the number of people with whom one person can maintain a stable and healthy social relationship with. The number is 150 people. Which means that most of the people that I tend to past judgment on I don’t really know and they don’t truly know me. Steve articulated this point very well I think.
I love places like Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. However according to Dunbar’s theory how many of these people can I realistically have an ambient relationship with? Ambient means encompassing, encircling or enveloping. In other words, how many of the people that befriend me can I know on a very intimate level? Time and space does not permit me to have more than 150 authentic and deep relationships.
What do I mean by intimate relationship? This means that I could call any one of the 150 people for any reason and they would welcome my call and presence without question or condition. It also means that these 150 see past my character flaws and see the true essence of who I AM…someone who was created in the image and likeness of God. Intimacy to me means that these 150 people see no difference between me and them. We are one.
Of course there are powers in numbers but at some point the number of direct interaction becomes ineffective. I don’t currently have ambient relationships with 150 people. I have found it challenging to create these types of relationships with 10 people. Ask yourself how many people on your Facebook or Twitter account do you have ambient relationships with the way I describe it here. What I have found is that most people judge us just like Steve Harvey says without truly knowing who we are.
One of my mentors says, “I know everybody I meet loves me but I just don’t expect them to know it yet.” I don’t care about the number of friends I have on any of the social networks anymore. I do care about forming and creating ambient relationships with others. I do care about getting to know someone’s fears, challenges, and dreams.
If I can create one ambient relationship a month then I will feel extremely successful. When’s the last time you sought to create a relationship that’s all surrounding?
That’s my spin on it.
