Most of us including myself are running around life with this big mask on our face. I think Halloween is a good time of year for us to ponder the masks we wear all year long. I’m really good at this. I’m the ultimate chameleon.
I’ve worn a mask in almost every relationship that I’ve ever been involved in especially with women. Most of the women that I’ve been involved with don’t know who the real and authentic Rickey is. Deep down I know but rarely let it show.
One of the reasons why I’ve been awfully inauthentic is in the pursuit of sex. More times than not when I get the sex it leaves me feeling totally empty. So I show up in any way necessary just to have my way. If any man’s only goal is to bed a woman there’s one thing for sure about that man….he’s immature.
Most of us think that the real key to great sex is having love for that other and feeling a strong sense of connection. I can guarantee you that a lot of you who are reading this post love your mate and feel a strong sense of connection to them but your sex life is mediocre or even worse than that. The ingredient to a great sex life with a partner is passion. Most of the passion has long been gone from most relationships in my experience.
Would you agree with me if I told you that there were many different versions of YOU? You are one person around your colleagues, another person around your mate, and a totally different person around a complete stranger. However, in all of these different YOU’s there is an authentic you. There is an authentic YOU that is yearning to be expressed and born. The person who is able to bring out the authentic YOU is the one that makes you experience your passion.
I hate to bust your bubble but most of the time that person is not the one that you are with. (even if you happen to be married to them). This is the person that makes you feel sexy. This is the person that makes you feel confident. This is the person that makes you feel safe. This is the person that makes you feel alive. This is the person who allows you to release all of your inhibitions. This is the person that makes you believe that you can conquer the world.
There are things right now that your mate wants to experience but will never experience with you. Why? Because you have not been able to tap into that authentic self. By the way it is a two way street. The only way that you are able to make the woman or man feel authentic is because she/he has also brought out the authenticity in you.
This presence and authenticity I speak about cannot be faked. Also, it has nothing to do with how attractive you are, how much money you make, where you live or anything that is fleeting. This energy that I speak about is outside the realm of time and space and very few ever experience it.
It’s no surprise that we as a society don’t experience this because each day we practice not being authentic by showing up to jobs we hate. We care about what others think. We judge ourselves based on what’s been displayed in some fashion magazine or the nightly news. We don’t know who the f*^! we are. Anytime the real YOU tries to emerge you get a shovel and bury them again.
Does history count? I mean does the fact that you’ve been with someone for ten years warrant any brownie points? Yes and No. It does because you will find that person may love you and feel connected to you because of the history together. It doesn’t because the passion and presence may still be absent.
Can you handle the truth? Can you handle if your mate tells you he/she has experienced sexual innuendos with another that he/she has not experienced with you? Can you handle it if they tell you that you just don’t do it for them in that way that another does even though they may love you? Can you handle it knowing that he/she doesn’t feel comfortable being authentic around you? Most people can’t because those are killing words.
If you don’t have passion you don’t have anything. You can’t get it from a book. It can only be lived but it cannot be manufactured. It’s a presence. It’s an awareness.
That’s my spin on it.
Programming The Nation - Money, Love, Sex and God
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