The question was “Is it easier to see or hear my husband cheating?” I don’t feel there is an “easy” with regards to cheating. I personally think that cheating is a deplorable act and this is coming from a guy who has cheated quite a bit.
Now don’t think that its so odd that I have cheated and still frown upon the act of cheating. Do you realize how many people smoke yet still think smoking is a nasty habit?
Anyway, back to the question. My response, if I were forced to choose, would be it is”easier” hearing the husband cheat than seeing him.
“Why?”
If you see your husband cheat you actually get to witness how his body responds to another woman’s body, her touches, her kiss, her sensuality and her sexual acts. Almost nothing is left to the imagination plus you get the benefit of hearing it too. On the other hand, if you hear him cheating then the most can do is hear the audible sounds of both parties if there are any and then interpret what those sounds mean to you. Hearing is one step removed from seeing in the example that I use.
“Even if I hear my husband have an orgasm?”
Now, I must go ahead and break it down for you so it will forever be broke. This may not be the answer that you were looking for but its the one that dominates my awareness so I must give it to you as it flows through me.
Hearing your husband have an orgasm is one of the best sounds on the planet you can hear right now. Why? Because you know one thing for sure, he’s having a damn good time. If you were to be honest with yourself that is what you really want your husband to experience. You want him to be happy, to have fun and you also want him to get off.
However, you prefer the above to be with you exclusively rather than someone else. This is exactly where the pain lies. Your selfish desires want to be met first and then and only then if it coincides with your husband’s desires you are happy. This works out fine until you don’t get it.
You also want your husband to be honest. However, if you’re like most women you are not emotionally prepared to handle brutal honesty. Also, your husband lacks the courage to be brutally honest. Neither of you guys have consciously created a space for an honest and open dialogue to take place thus the cheating goes on.
I would also bet that you have suspected him of cheating many times before. If you carefully look at the history you will see an ample number of signs that support your suspicions. You may have even confronted him before only to have him deny it. Usually when someone is caught cheating this is not the first incident.
You have also probably thought that there was something that you were doing wrong. You may have thought that you were not sexy enough, not pretty enough, not fine enough or whatever stuff we makeup about ourselves. You may have thought that another woman was performing sexual acts that you were not. You may have patted yourself on the back and thought about how bomb your p$%# is and could not understand why your man would step outside the marriage.
All the above are cycles that both men and women experience when another has cheated on them. There is no easy way to process cheating. When you care about someone and emotions are involved the emotions rule every single time.
You heard what you heard. You may not like it but it is what it is. Now the only thing is for you to decide who you want to be in spite of this. Don’t make this be about your husband because he has his own journey. Believe it or not he is in as much pain as you are. It’s not easy cheating, lying, making love to more than one woman, maintaining a household and a mistress, trying to keep a spouse from finding out that you’re cheating, not knowing where to turn for help or guidance and being judged and called a no good dog.
My heart goes out to you. Be strong. Know that this is about your freedom and liberation and that whatever happens you remain whole.
That’s my spin on it.
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