A few days ago someone who cares about me sent a link to a blog radio talk show hosted by Cassandra Mack. The host asked four guys a series of 9 questions each that had been sent in by women from around the country. You know the kind of questions that most women talk about among themselves but rarely quite hear it from the horse’s mouth so to speak.
The four guys were Milo Edwards, Drew Hines, Kamau Austin and Chester Marshall. You can friend each of these guys up on Facebook to get more of their wisdom. I know that when it comes to these types of calls I tend to be a bit jaded. Even though I endeavor to remain the eternal student I often find myself biased towards certain types of content. Therefore, before listening to the call I was a little apprehensive that I wouldn’t learn much of anything new.
In many ways to me the responses were predictable yet the candidness of the guests was refreshing. I admired the intelligence and wit of all they guys who were being asked questions. I also appreciated the women who had the courage to ask the questions. Whenever open and honest dialoged can be established between the opposite sexes I feel that we make significant progress towards achieving harmonious relationships.
I listened to the call twice and after listening to it the second time I started thinking about how I would have answered the questions if I were a guest on the call. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do in this post. I’m going to pretend like I was a quest and I’m going to share with you how I would answer the questions. Please keep in mind that I have big advantage over the guys that were actually on the call. First, I have the benefit of hearing what all of the other guys had to say which undoubtedly may bias my comments to one degree or another. Second, I had the time to ponder my responses to the questions so there is less spontaneity involved.
What Inquiring Women What To Know?
Question #1 – What do men really want from women?
I’d like to see women be more of a team player and more supportive of their partner’s endeavors. I’d like to see more women believe in a man’s ideas when it’s a ground floor opportunity rather than when the idea is flying high above the seven seas. I’d like to see more women smile for no reason at all. I’d like to see a man being able to flirt playfully with a woman without her thinking or feeling that a man has a hidden agenda. I’d like to see women maintain their sensuality past the first date. I’d like to see more women learn to be in the moment instead of instead of in the past. In other words, I’d like to see less bag ladies.
Question #2 – Are men intimidated by a strong successful woman?
No. I could only deceive myself into believing that it was a woman’s strength or success that caused the intimidation. However, if I delved further I would discover that it was only my feelings of inadequacy that had been projected onto that woman. Conversely, if a woman feels that here strength and success is an intimidating factor she would have to question the merits of what she calls strength and success. To me a woman who possesses both of those qualities authentically would not view herself intimidating to men.
Question #3 – What does it mean to let a man be a man?
This question implies that a woman could stop a man from being anything he wants to be truly be. She cannot. She can make it more difficult but she cannot stop a man who is determined to be what he wants to be. Man-ness is inherent in a man when man is born just as tree-ness is inherent in a baby acorn. Now man may not choose to develop and cultivate this man-ness but it is there nonetheless. Man is going to be a man if he wants to be and he’s going to define what being a man is by the fruit that he produces. Even if man was being a “man” how would a woman know it unless they held the same definition of man-ness?
Question #4 – What’s the one thing men don’t reveal openly to women but wish they knew?
I only get to choose one? Damn It! The one thing that I wish women knew is that sex is much more mental than it is physical. Yes, I’m enthralled by your physical specimen but in the words of Eddie Murphy in Coming To America “I need you to stimulate my intellect as well as my loins.” The mental orgasms make the physical one seem like thy’re on steroids. Women a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Question #1 – What makes the man look at one woman as potential wifey material and another woman as another booty call or jumpoff ?
All women have the potential to be wifey material even in their distressing disguises. Also, all women have the potential to be a booty call or jumpoff. My suspicion is that most women have been viewed as both at one time or another. What I would consider wifey material someone may see that same woman as a mere jumpoff. If you twisted my arm and made me give you an answer I would say by the way she walks, speaks, talks, dresses, whether she chews gum or sucks on mints, whether or not she smokes or drinks, how her feet and toes look, how she smells (perfumed or not), how she smiles and how she wears her hair. I process all of this in one fell swoop and spit out a wife or a jumpoff. It’s not a foolproof system but you did ask the question.
Question #6 – How soon is too soon?
It’s never too soon for a lovemaking time that has come. It’s always to late for the time that was never right to begin with. There are no rules for two consenting adults who want to mesh their bodies together in unusual ways to achieve a desired outcome. If there were rules very few people are following them and if they are they’re not doing it consistently.
Question #7 – What would be some attributes of a healthy relationship?
Having an unconditional love for each other would be the foundation for all healthy relationships. Having to never say you’re sorry to someone who loves you unconditionally. Openly admitting when you’ve made a mistake or error in judgment. Uplifting another to help them be their highest self. Supporting and encouraging another when they’ve fallen by the wayside. Listening in a way that you actually hear and speaking in a way that you are heard. More I love u rarely goes sour.
Question #8 – How do you negotiate when children are in the mix from previous relationships?
Lock them up when you come over and let them out when you leave. Ok, I’m just kidding. I didn’t tell you that I had a dry wit about myself but now you know. Children are an extension of that woman. If you do good with the children I can almost guarantee that you will increase your success rate with the woman. I’m not talking about do good by the children so you can get to the woman. I’m suggesting connect with a woman’s children and you have also connected with the woman. Children are the toughest to navigate but the payoff is worth it.
Question #9 – What are the signs when a man starts to mentally and emotionally check out? If you catch the signs early enough is there anything you can do to repair the relationship?
The biggest sign is that he’s not breathing anymore and it’s not because you take his breath away. “Girl he’s dead!” Ok…Ok ..Rickey please be serious I really want to know your answer to these last two questions. Distance. When men like you and are mentally and emotionally involved that spend time with you and when they’re not they spend time away from you. When you catch the signs is not nearly as important as to whether you are committed to doing something about it once they have surfaced. Do you want to save the relationship? If yes, then you will do whatever it takes. If no, then no amount of time will fix a problem that both parties are not willing and committed to repairing.
I’d encourage you to go and listen to the call yourself and form your own answers to these questions. These are my answers and I’d have to admit I don’t know a damn thing.
That’s my spin on it.
